Aria, plz read the entire post.....
This is really going to be the last post for this blog......if i were to blog again, it will be on another blog......this blog is for her.....and now i lost her....there is no more reason for me to stay in this blog.....
Yesterday was a really eventful day for me.....i got her back.....made her angry.....calm her down.....then lost her.....sometimes i really thing WTF i am doing....i gave her my everything, my mind, my time, my spirit and my soul....to wat end?? To her being back with her ex?? just because he is able to be by her side?? I wan so much to fly to her....to be able to hug and kiss her....to be able to sleep by her side, keeping her safe.....but i cant....i'm not rich....i cant just fly to her....i got a lot of other commitments tat i cannot escape from.....
We started out being a normal couple.....we talked abt our future, our hopes. I even started saving money for her....for our future.....but it all seems so bleak now.....i cant even see tmr.....maybe i wont live to have a tmr.....i dont nid a tmr without her....i have always tot that the guys tat she left and were still pestering her were jerks....and now, i am going to be one of them.....but i wont....there is 2 things i will do now.....remind her friend and act tat nth happened between us...tat we are still a couple....but i cant....there is no way i can do tat....its really hard for me to do tat.....then the other thing, i will end my life.....i have nth left....she was the one most impt thing to me in the entire universe....without her, i have nth, nth to live for....
You told me tat you still love me but you onli like him....how could you be so cruel....so cruel to all three of us.....i dunno how he is able to take it....maybe he has done it b4.....but i cant....i cant share you wit another guy.....i just cant....i was so happy when you said all ur friend wanted you to get me back....i felt like i was the happiest man one the planet.....i noe how stupid i am.....to have spent 3 hrs just to guess wat you were saeing......i am so stupid.....
Would anything have been different if i nvr met you? Yes....it will all have been diffferent....if i nvr met you, you will nvr have fallen for me.....i would nvr have inflicted so much pain to you.....you will be togther wit him now happily....without having to think of me.....i dunno if you feel bad doing tat to him....and i dont wan to noe.....all i want is for you to come back to me.....to be my gf again.....we promised not to let anything get between us....and just because of one sentence tat he said, everything changed.....you started liking him again....there are times when i think tat you are not really in love wit me....tat you are just messing around wit me....playing wit me emotions....and then when you are bored, kick me aside....sry Aria...i shldnt have said tat....but if i didnt, then i would be hiding smth from you....tat means i would have broke another promise....
There are oso times when i think tat i am not meant for love.....tat i am unworthy for love.....tat you are too good for me.....tat every girl is too good for me....
I feel tat i shld nvr have existed....or tat i shld have ended my life 2 yrs ago.....
Every part of my body is screaming for me to cut it.....its not me....they really are screaming....and it is so hard to stop.....maybe i shld really do tat.....maybe you wont even feel tat.....the bond we had.....is it gone? Will i not be able to feel you again? Will i not be able to noe wat you are talking abt again?
This is the end of me.....my life has ended....i really dunno wat to do wit my life....throw it away? waste it away? Or continue to live wit it and feel like ending my life everyday....or cry myself to slp everyday.....i really dunno.....i have lost my mind.....i can be bothered wit anything....maybe i wont even hurt if i cut myself....
I noe tat by saeing all this, i'm hurting you.....but the pain you inflicted on me is so much more....you were my first in everything....i was willing to give you all my first even if its not ur first.....i dont care abt ur past....i onli care tat i'm wit you at the present and tat we will have a future tgt.....
I dunno wat else to sae....i will try my best to still be there as ur friend....to talk to you abt ur problems....to talk to you abt him.....i will try all of tat....
You said tat we had a big chance of getting back....but i am not sure....i am going into the same stat as you used to be....maybe i'm tired....tired of love....tired of this world.....maybe i really nid a long break....
I noe tat saeing all this isnt helping you....and like i told you....i wont die yet....i will help get rid of ur fear b4 i will end my life....i will live for you and die for you.....tat is my onli last wish now....
Sry to all those who have cared for me...who have always been there for me....this is really too hard for me to bear....this i goodbye...in case i really cannot take it....Hong Yee, Anna, Charlotte, Denise, Sharon, Rikku, Dinah.....if you were to read this, i am really sry, so so sry....tat i was nvr a good brother to you....i loved all of you....i really do....and i still do....but this is just too hard for me....plz dont be alarmed when you see this....and dont bother to call me...i wont pick it up.....maybe i just nid sometime to get used to it....but i doubt so....time is not a good healer....my heart is frozen and broken....there is nth i can do abt it....she told me tat she will take me back if i can appear infront of her....but it will really be tough for me to do tat.....dont worry...i will try my best to live wit it.....
This is goodbye....goodbye to this blog....goodbye to my Aria.....goodbye to my true love....goodbye to my guiding star....goodbye to my old life.....i have changed...changed to a new person wit not life...no love and no Aria.....
Posted by Elyrean@ 11:21 AM
Posted by Elyrean@ 7:06 PM
Posted by Elyrean@ 11:29 AM
Posted by Elyrean@ 1:57 PM
I'm really sorry tat i couldn't sms you anymore and tat i cant be by ur side to protect you...but i will always think of you, every single waking moment and maybe even in my dreams.You have changed my life totally. I cant imagine a day without talking to you...not even a few hours...I noe you are off to ur friend's house today and will be home really late, i'm really missing you as i'm typing this...but lets take this as a test before the time when we cannot talk for 3 wks....i totally dunno wat i will do during tat 3 wks...and to make things worse, you are going to you noe where during tat time...even though i noe you will be safe but i still cant help worrying abt it....lastly, i really miss you.....I Love You....Rach....
Posted by Elyrean@ 12:59 PM
04042007, a day of sadness and joy for both of us. But luckily it ended with more joy than sadness. Hopefully I will be able to keep all the promises I made to you. Love ya forever <3
Posted by Elyrean@ 10:20 AM
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